Hatters little home....

...because his deadjournal died.

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Vent initiated.
 Okay, so when we got together I was told that my past didn't matter. My history has nothing to do with our current relationship. This made me happy, esstatic, my history has ups downs and all other directions. It just seems that after all that when my history does come up she gets hurt. I can see how sometimes when I bring up the happy times I had in the past she can get upset. I don't know why, I'm here and now with her and it's where I want to be. 

My mom and step father are moving, and this has brought up a lot of emotions for me. It's the house I've lived the longest in, and I've moved a lot of times now. I had to go through and sort my old belongings out and reduce what I could to fit it into the new house. In my sorting I came accross some love letter my ex marla wrote to me sooo long ago. They were very very sweet letters and they were a blast from the past. I couldn't help it, I got choked up and went and got a hug from my mom cause it was a bit more than I wanted to deal with. I've been sad since. I think this is because I feel really emotionally tired right now between the move and other things I've been digging up. 

So I got asked why I was sad, I told her about the letters I found and how I got choked up over it. And now she feels hurt, because I got a reminder. A reminder of one of the best and worse relationships I've ever been in. One that felt like forever would happen, and then almost killed me. 

Maybe I didn't word things right, maybe I shouldn't remember my past or the emotions I experience. 

All I know is that I love my bean and I want to be with her now and for the rest of my days if she'll let me. I just wish things didn't get painful so quickly around these subjects. I put up with stories of her past relationships and I do everything I can to just view them as previous chapters in her life. Why can't the same happen on my behalf? This is past things, they don't have any bearing on the present.

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Because I don't ever tell you things like "Derek was more handsome than you" or "That was supposed to last forever" (hypothetically speaking)

It hurts because, sure I feel sad over past love letters, but I get over it. And I don't cry to you about how I wish I was still in that relationship or how it was 'better'.

It's not fair to me. Thats all.

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